Skinny wanna-be.. that's me!

There was a time (about 10 years ago) when I was a skinny girl. Really stinkin' skinny. I wore a size 0 jeans, my fat jeans were a size 2 and there was no 1 in front of that 2! I was also 17, had no kids, worked two jobs (because I was too cool for school) and was on the go constantly. The mountain dew/nicotine combination that was coursing through my veins gave me that extra umph that I needed to get through my 12-14 hour work days and my 5 hours of running around with friends. (Note: I was being SARCASTIC about the school thing, it was a stupid choice!)

Anyway, That is no longer the case... no more mountain dew, no more cigarettes, and no more 12-14 hour work days (I am on the 24/7 MOM schedule now) but I weigh almost 50 lbs more than I did back then. What the heck?

I am what you would call an "average" American woman. I am 5'6"... average... a size 10... average... and one hundred and ***cough, cough pounds... average! (that's 159.8 lbs, NO IT IS NOT 160!) But let me fill you in on a little secret. AVERAGE SUCKS! I don't feel good about myself. I don't like the way I look. I do not want to wear a swimsuit, not even in my own backyard. It just plain stinks.

Now, I will say that in the past 5 months I have finished loosing my baby weight (remember, I have a 13 month old) so I have lost about 30lbs! Which sounds amazing, except that I am right back where I was BEFORE I got pregnant and I wasn't happy then!

So whats the plan? I did a couple weeks of low carb dieting, and it worked.. but then I stood still again, tried some low calorie diets.. no real change with those. I tried a protein smoothie diet which would have worked if I continued because the protein powder made me vomit, but I decided anorexia wasn't the way to go. So what's next?

I almost cringe at the thought of this.. that stupid "e" word. Why must it be the only thing that really works? Crap, I hate exercise. I hate, hate, hate it. I hate running, jumping, dancing, videos, classes... I hate it all. I don't like to sweat. I don't like to contort my body into unnatural and painful positions. Apparently there are some people who enjoy it, I am not one of those people. I also KNOW that I HAVE to do it if I want to get healthy..

So, here are my goals.. maybe someone in this cyber space world will help hold me accountable for accomplishing them? Maybe for once I will account for myself?

I do NOT want to pick a number.

I always say I want to weight x amount of pounds, or loose x amount of weight... not this time.

My goal is this. I want to feel good. I want to go shopping and enjoy trying clothes on (I used too, now I dread it.) I want to be comfortable in my own skin (with the appropriate amount of clothes on, of course!) I would like to be free from the constant "downer" of being fat.

So, I have started the couch to 5K running plan (on day 2, woohoo) and I am making wise eating choices, not perfect choices.. I will not restrict things, only use moderation or I wont stick to it.

Here's too another leg in my (adult) life-long attempt to be skinny girl!

I could spend forever wishin' I was one of those naturally thin women, but it just aint gonna happen.. (that last sentence was to prove that you should stay in school!)

Hugs, kisses, and skinny dreams...